It's complicated.

No, not talking about a Facebook relationship status. But this kinda applies to that too I guess. Or not.

Relationships are hard. They're confusing. They tend to fall apart, if not nurtured. And that stems from the fact that people themselves are complicated. What is right to you may not be right to me. And one must learn to be patient. It is of utmost importance not to judge, assume or form conclusions. And it is important to not react to situations. Yeah that sounds like you need to be a saint. Yep it's tough! Today I saw a relationship fall apart. And it hurt. Like hell. Today, I had to grow up. I had to act my age. Not because I was asked to, but because I had to. I couldn't run away or hide from issues. I had to face up to it like an adult. I had to step up and say things. And I did. But I also had to watch others do it. It felt so...awkward. These are the people you watched as you grew up. The people that made decisions for you, fed you, threw you up in the air and caught you. Watching them be so vulnerable, kinda shook me. Guess my parents have been kind enough to keep me innocent for as long as possible. And I am so grateful to them for it. I've always had this feeling that people in my family don't give a crap about me, because they never told me stuff or I was the last to know. But I understand now, well atleast kinda, that they did it to protect me. And I won't hold it against them. I can't imagine facing something like this when I was 16. Oh the nightmare. People don't kid about age. You do need to be a certain age to know something, to understand it, to deal with it. So I'm gonna let time take its course. Let her teach me what needs to be taught, whenever it needs to be taught. No point rushing her, no?

Crazy CabRide Chronicles

3.40 am. I'm in a cab with two other sleep deprived souls. The driver is quite the talker. He gives a good speech about 'thus buus' English. Dailamo dailamo playing in the background. Not the kinda tune you'd expect to hear at 3.45 in the morning. And he just told me that he was from Trichy! Wow. Talk about small world.

Anyway so we're two minutes away from our destination, the airport when I realise I had forgotten one of our props back home. We had 20 minutes to check in. The driver said, "avlodhaane Madame. Pifteen minute la neenga thirumbi vandhuruveenga. Naan guarantee." I'm not gonna lie, there were moments when I thought 'this is it. This is your last moment. Ever". Once I thought I saw white light even. It was the craziest cab ride I've ever taken. But bless that soul he actually brought us back in one piece and in 15 minutes as promised! Yeah he was awesome at getting us back in record time. But what struck me about him was his attitude toward life.

Such a happy person. Sometimes they can annoying. I know. But you just couldn't crush his spirit. His wife was studying to become the principal and he had passed his class 10. He was very clear about what he wanted. He wanted his kids to be well educated. He knew his wife could do much better than him, but he was happy that she chose him. He knew that tomorrow was an uncertainty. He only believed in doing whatever you wanted now. "naalaikki nu solli vitteenga na, nalaikki varavevaraadhu Madame. Panradha ippo pannanum." What a man! Must learn from him.

The thing is, I know what he is talking about. I am aware of how it works. But I forget. It gets lost in the smaller things of everyday. That's our problem. We keep forgetting about the bigger picture. That's what we need to focus on. Remember this, at least for today. Go do something you've been thinking of doing for a while now. How about going to the terrace. I haven't visited my terrace in months. I will now!

When I was.

When I was 7, I wanted to be a puppy. When I was 12, I wanted to save puppies. Five years later I couldn't even save my own. One life lesson learnt. When I was a little girl, all I wanted to do was wear skirts and dance till my legs dropped off. I stopped completely when I hit a wall. I should've pushed harder and broken down that wall. Only, I didn't. Another one bit the dust.When I was 16, I was so damn sure that I had what it took be the first ever Indian Idol. Only, I realized a year later that I got my spelling wrong. When I was 4, I thought the tape recorder was a house where little singers sang and danced when we pressed buttons. When I was 18, I realized growing up isn't as fun as people made it out to be. When I was 19, the feeling was reinforced. When I was 20, I had the best birthday surprise ever. And 21 saw me go to Europe and learn a brand new word - inebriation. Never took it too seriously though.

Now I am 22 and so much of this world I have seen, but so little I have learned. Everybody wants to go back in time, visit their childhood, stay there even. I don't want that. Yes, I'd love to be that innocent again. I'd love it if reality didn't suck so bad. I'd be really grateful if I didn't need to think so much. But I do think a lot. Unnecessarily. And I am sad to admit that I am no longer innocent. But life, it doesn't suck so bad. It pushes you around a lot. Throws things at you, for no goddamn reason. But it does all that because you need it. If that effing horrid incident hadn't happened, you wouldn't be who you are now. Everything you ever did or went through, makes you who you are. And be nothing but proud of it.