Selflessly self-piteous.

There comes a time in life when one has reached desperately new lows. "And how does it feel?" you may ask. You know, if you were an anchor for E! News. Anyway, it sucks of course. And you know what makes me feel worse? The fact that I am a selfish prick for actually complaining about anything! Because, lets face it, I am one of those privileged people who has been given everything she has ever needed on a fucking platter. So yes, I do not really have any right to complain. But, kya karein, dil maanta nahin na! (Translation- but what can I do, the heart doesn't understand!) So I go ahead and let it screw with my head. I get depressed. I cry. I wail. I wallow in self pity. That's the stage I am in right now. Self pity. Yeah it's kinda pathetic. But that's alright. I'll get over this. Only a matter of time. I will also do what I must do. Take control of things. Nobody deserves to feel this miserable! So tomorrow, I promise to wake up with a new attitude. A better one. Till then, allow me to publish to the rest of the world, how self pity really works. (This is where I go on to get some chocolate, look at pictures of dogs and wonder why the world dishes out the most cruel verdicts and people to me and why I put all my energies into them.)

Woofie Chronicles

I remember the first time I saw her. She was squirming around with her siblings, her eyes still shut. Poor things were stumbling around, wondering where on earth they were. We were visiting my mom's cousin in Wayanad then. It was my parents' anniversary that week and I had just about turned 10. I squealed as I saw the whole lot of them in the courtyard. Their mother was still inside, recovering. Seeing my enthusiasm, my uncle let me sit next to them. The next thing you know they were all over me. One little guy was clawing at my shirt, trying to feel the fabric. Another little girl put her furry ear against my foot and got me giggling. This was my happy place - squatting in the sun, surrounded by 7 adorable German Shepherd puppies. We spent a week there probably, I can't tell anymore. All I remember were the pups. I even tried getting to know their mother. She wasn't too ecstatic to see me. One growl and I was screaming for my mom! So I was careful to stay away from the little ones when thy were having some mom time. The night before were leaving, my mom's cousin offered to let us have a pup as an anniversary gift for my parents. Appa said no even before my uncle could finish that sentence. I couldn't believe my ears. He KNEW how much I loved them. Outraged, I started asking why and very promptly Amma said, "We'll discuss this in the morning." 

I was up before everyone else that morning, sitting with the little ones. I couldn't imagine how anyone could say no to these cuties! One of the boys was busy gnawing at my toe, when I noticed it. There she was, a tiny ball of black and brown fur on my lap, slowly inhaling and exhaling. She looked so cute that it took all the strength I had in me to stop myself from tickling her teeny li'l nose. After what seemed like ages, my mum came out and sat with me. My sister is terrified of dogs, so she stayed far far away. We had about 4 hours left to eat, pack up and leave. So i finally worked up the nerve and went asked Appa again. "Shradha, I don't think we can......." and that was all I needed to hear. I started wailing in the middle of their courtyard. Yeah, I'm probably a spoiled little brat, but I wanted that puppy. The one that was snoozing on my lap an hour back. I think the crying lasted for about 3 hours, before my Dad gave in. "Okay!" he said. "Aana, nee thaan paathukkanum. Okay? I'll hold you responsible." I don't think I heard anything after 'okay'. I ran in and  was hopping with excitement as I waited for my uncle. After Amma and Appa had spoken this out and enraged my sister to no end, they came stood with me. 

"Edha eduthukka pore?"

"There was this one girl who slept on my lap. Her ears had brown spots. I want her!!" 

Amma's cousin picked her out for me. I remember him telling me that girls were the best, because they care a lot more than the boys. And that she was going to take care of me. Those were the last words I ever heard from him and I will be forever grateful to him for it. I didn't know it then, but he was right. So there we were, 4 of us in a car with a green picnic basket, 3 huge flasks of luke-warm milk, a plastic bowl and my first love - Lassie. 

How we came up with her name is a whole other story. You'll hear about it soon!